make me a storybook

lenses and specs

Sya — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 12:29:00 +0000

Find specs before removing lenses

coke with lemon

Sya — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:33:19 +0000

Never drink Coke with lemon on an empty stomach. It will cause you to purge everything out.

being magic

Sya — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 15:04:50 +0000

I’m not one to have good karma but I must’ve done something right because life or whatever led me to meet Hidaya who is like the big sister I wish I had. It’s crazy how in just 2 short years, we shared so much of our lives with one another and it’s even more insane how we somehow just GET each other. I am so thankful that she is a part of my story and even though this chapter is about to close, i’m sure her character will make guest appearances coz Hidaya is THAT awesome! She’s a keeper this one!

I think i’m slowly beginning to get this whole being true to yourself and being authentic thing. I’m starting to see that only when I am genuine and honest with myself that things will start falling into place. I understand now that I don’t need to be so worried or obsessed over the little things but just be me and things will work itself out.

Like Hidaya always tells me, I am after all, “Magic!”

The last day of October

Sya — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:51:09 +0000

I wrote this in Perth on the last day of October. On the last day of what was supposed to be an awesome month which turned out to be the lowest point of my life.

“Today is sixth day of the passing of my dad. My dad is no longer here. I don’t think I could ever come to terms with that. I carry with me so much guilt. I feel like I could have done more for him, spent more time with him, have longer conversations, more meaningful hugs.

But all I can have right now is hope. Hope that he knows that I love him so much and that I miss him, so so much. I want so bad to be able to tell him one last time that he means everything and that I am incredibly lucky to have him as a dad. I want one more chance to hug him and have him kiss me. I want more time to be with him but it’s something I will never get. Not in this lifetime and maybe not even in the afterlife and it breaks my heart to know that.”

So did I tell you that 2011 sucked. I mean i’ve always known that life can and will throw me curveballs but 2011 was one hell of a curveball. I think it’s safe to say that 2011 kicked my ass. Big time.

We all know that we are living on borrowed time and that we’re not gonna be here forever. But I guess, we get carried away with the worldly things that we forget or we choose to ignore that.

My dad has been battling with heart disease for a long time. The past 2 years was especially hard and with each check up, each hospital stay, we had the doctors telling us that his heart will only get weaker. We are all aware of the reality which is why I get jumpy when my phone rings and the caller id displays that the call is from one of my family members, in fear that it will be THE call,. Of course, that call eventually came except that it wasn’t me who had to pick it up. Perhaps, He knew that I wasn’t strong enough to receive such a news that it had to be broken to me in small doses and that’s how it went down.

It’s gonna be a long healing process for us. In fact, I dont think that we will ever “get over it” . My dad was such a good man. Right now, we just have to take comfort and pray that he will be placed among those that Allah loves. Insya Allah.

Al-Fatiha.

a quarter of a century

Sya — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:48:45 +0000

I spent most part of the last couple of weeks feeling depressed and incredibly down. It didn’t help that my friends, well, they’re all either super busy or are overseas and it also didn’t help that I thought about how I was turning 25. 25 is just old.

It’s just scary how most of the people my age are moving on to the next “natural” phase of life, i.e. getting engaged/married. I knew that this time would come and I always thought that I won’t be affected by it. But when every weekend, your Facebook News Feed gets inundated with photos and status updates from friends, acquaintances and ex-schoolmates who are getting married, you can’t help but be somewhat affected.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way ready for that, not even close. I was just thinking how some people have the rest of their life planned but I don’t even know what i’m gonna be doing in 2012 and that made me feel peachy. It made me feel like the slow kid in class who is always lagging behind and gets mocked at by others.

And then I thought about it somemore and realised how silly I was to let myself be so affected by it. I am at this stage in my life where I have no obligations, no commitments. I get to live my life the way I want to, on my own terms and I don’t have to answer to anyone. I am independent and I am free to do whatever I want. I get to drop everything and travel and see the world without having to worry about a lot of things. The world is my oyster and I have nothing to lose.

So, today, as I turn 25, I made the decision that I’m gonna be happy. I choose to be happy. I am after all very lucky to be healthy and be surrounded by awesome friends and amazing family. I am going to enjoy this stage of my life and not feel awful when my life is not going in the direction that it is “supposed” to. I am going to live in the moment and have faith that things will work out. They always do.

“All good things are wild and free” – Henry David Thoreau

I am wild and free and i’m enjoying it. My life is awesome. Alhamdulillah.

Happy 25th Birthday to me.

uninspired

Sya — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 14:24:25 +0000

i’ve been feeling incredibly uninspired lately. I long to be a part of something or to meet someone so incredibly inspiring that it makes me want to put myself out there. that will make me believe again.

but i guess in the meantime, i’ll have to settle for the little things in my life that make me happy.

like silly kids with gappy, toothy grin and toy trains

and awesome friends who keep me entertained

and if all else fails, rainbow crayola just waiting to be turned into a project gives me something to look forward to

Eid on Instagram

Sya — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 13:44:38 +0000

Syawal this year was bittersweet.
Despite terribly missing several people,
I’m still thankful to be given the chance
to meet yet another Syawal
with those I love to pieces.

Eid Mubarak!

Caroline

Sya — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 14:20:48 +0000

“Caroline, I’m on my way back home to you
Imagine what I’m going through
Without you by my side
It’s been a long, long time
Oh, won’t you say a prayer for me
I hope you will remember me
you’re always on my mind”

On Saturday morning, I woke up with a sinking feeling. I suddenly missed Andri so much! I started thinking about his first few months when he stayed with us and how I used to bring him out for morning walks. Our breakfasts, naps and playtime together. And I started crying uncontrollably. I miss him so much!

And then I came across a song, Caroline by Brandi Carlile. Brandi wrote the song for her niece and she said that she wrote it in a state of terribly missing the girl. The song just spoke to me and oddly enough, the more I listened to it, the better I felt.The lyrics are exactly what I would say to Andri!

Sure the time I spent with Andri was short but it was meaningful and more importantly, I have made an impact in his life. If I haven’t, he won’t be asking for me each time my mum talks to him on the phone. If I haven’t, he wouldn’t be so overjoyed to see me at the doorstep when I visited him back in July. So I am thankful for that two short years. Oh how i’m looking forward to seeing him again!

“I have seen things in the sky
Stars and lights and birds and I,
I’ve been rocky mountain high, told them all about you
Because you are still the only thing that constantly amazes me
I love the road and I’ve been blessed
I love you best.“

What family member, friend, or acquaintance do you wish you were closer to?

Sya — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 12:41:13 +0000

It takes a long time for me to warm up to people. I tend to be very guarded and cold. That being said, there are a couple of people that I wish I was closer to.

The first being my sister. I envy the relationship that some of my friends have with their sisters. My sister and I, we just don’t click. We have never been close and I dont think we will ever be close and I have learnt to live with that. But she’s still my sister and I love her. We just have a different relationship.

For me, sometimes there are people that I meet and there’s just a certain look in their eyes that makes me want to know more about them. It’s random and rare but every now and then, I do meet such a person. So I guess, right now, I wish I was closer to that person.

The Happiness Project

Sya — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 12:27:10 +0000

I have been wanting to read The Happiness Project for the longest time. The book is basically about why the author, Gretchen Rubin, “spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean her closets, fight right, read Aristotle and generally have more fun.”

I have to admit that I did get more than a few stares reading it on the train (but I don’t know if that’s because of the book or because of my general awesomeness). You can’t read a book like that and not want to try and start your own happiness project. I’m not going to be as ambitious as Gretchen. I did take down some quotes and random phrases from the book and notes about how I can go about my own happiness project.

One of the interesting things she did was to read memoirs of people facing death so that she can be more thankful. These lines particularly stuck:

“Instead of feeling perpetually dissatisfied with my weight, I should delight in feeling vital, healthy, pain-free and fear-free.”

“Gratitude brings freedom from envy because when you are grateful for what you have, you’re not consumed with wanting something different or something more.”

She started her happiness project by having her own 12 Commandments. I thought hard about the rules that I want to live by and came up with these

Be Sya
Let it go
Act the way I want to feel
Do it now
Be polite and fair
Enjoy the ride
Say hello and goodbye and thank you and please
Lighten up and learn to laugh at myself
No calculation; give without limits and expectations
There is only love; Be loving
This too shall pass
Think before reacting

Let’s see how my own happiness project goes.